Dumb and Dumber

Maybe I was just in a bad mood. Maybe I am making too much out of it. But yesterday I swear you could smell the stupid in my house. 

The Boy had a friend over for a little while and the entire time the two of them spent together I could feel IQ points dropping. I'm no expert on 10 year old boys, nor would I want to be. But I seriously believe these two clowns were trying to 'out dumb' one another. I tired quickly of the one upmanship-the constant need to top the other guy with yet another stupid quip that made no sense and was not the least bit funny. If these exchanges contained any dialogue that was a bit smart I'm certain feelings would be hurt and a friendship ended. But the back and forth is so mindless and truly dumb that even they aren't hurt by it. Most of it is just talking for the sake of talking. Noise for noise sake. I can be louder than you.   

Maybe this is a symptom of the times, apparently it's cool to be stupid- example Justin Bieber. 

If any 12 year old girls want to troll and make comments and threaten my life go ahead. In 5 years you'll see what a jack hole he is and laugh with your girlfriends about what asshats you were for being 'Beliebers'. Don't get me started on his dumb ass pants. 

But back to the idiots in my basement...body language,speech, terminology all changed while they were together. I may have to put my amateur scientist lab coat on and observe other subjects of the same age and see if this is an epidemic. Is it all for show? Or are these brainiacs actually 'dumbing down'? Perhaps it's brain trauma from shaking their bangs back into place? That will be a future health issue- necks damaged because of hair tossing. Mild concussions from the rapid head shaking and jerking done to make hair fall into face with out it looking like it was purposely done so.  

Did 10 year old boys of my generation act as dumb? Probably. But I was 10 too and didn't notice because I was too busy imagining being married to Indiana Jones. 

These are smart, funny, talented kids. They are athletic and articulate, interesting to talk to and very good company. So why when they are together do they regress to behavior of a spoiled 3 year old? Did I miss something here? Is it not OK to be handsome, funny and smart when you're with your friends. 

OH WAIT! then you would stand out and be noticed- I get it. Herd mentality. It's easier to put the other guy down and stay under the radar yourself. Duh mom, now who's the stupid one. I can't wait for them to be teenagers. My alcohol intake will triple. I had better get on a liver transplant list now. 

I'm crossing my fingers and hoping this is all for show. I would be embarrassed if my kid intentionally slowed his speech and responded to every question in school with a 'whatever' or an 'I know you are'. I feel sorry for the 10 year old girls that have to endure this mindless idiocy and smile and laugh and pretend to be enthralled.  

The Boy and his friend are attending a dance this weekend. Friend said the girls at the dances spend all their time in the bathroom. I didn't have the heart to tell them it's because they have to get away from all of the stupid.  

The sound of silence

Shhh...be very, very quiet. Hear that? no? well that is the sound of peace and quiet.

This is something I could get used to. I am enjoying a cup of coffee, and aside from the gentle click of my keyboard and hum of the laundry machine my house is blissfully silent.

All of this quiet got me to thinking. I am never alone. As I shuffle from room to room, gathering kids toys and dirty laundry from hampers it dawned on me. I rarely if ever have any time alone. Yes I have an hour or so before bed sometimes when spouse isn't home and kids are tucked into bed, but they are still present - in the house. I am truly not alone.

The realization here is that I am the only one I need to please at this. very. second. I am not being hounded for juice or a snack, I am not being questioned about where an item of clothing is, a favorite toy's location or what is for dinner. I am alone, and can do as I please.

A hot cup of coffee actually finished before it went cold. Chores performed with out interruption. Time to contemplate a grocery list. This all seems very small in the big scheme of things, but huge in my now stay at home mind.

I know when I signed up for this marriage and mom thing I would be giving up a lot. I'm ok with that. But now with the house silent I am coming to grips with the fact that maybe I needed some time alone. Something thinking back on my life I have never had.

Part of the journey that led me to quit work and stay at home was due to the fact that I was tired of giving. Emotionally I was spent. It was my own doing. I allowed the demands of work, home, family and community to overwhelm me. I treat others the way I expect to be treated. I don't like people to go without, I want people to experience success and I will sacrifice for them to have it. In order to do that I gained a constant line up of people vying for my attention and time. With fewer demands, I sleep better now. Teeth grinding is a thing of the past.

I sound selfish. The things I am doing right now while I am home alone are still not really just for me, they are also for my family, but I am enjoying the peace and solitude with which I am able to accomplish these tasks.
 
As school was getting closer to starting I panicked. I feared I was going to be lost and without a purpose.
But a week into the school routine and Hurricane Girlchild in Kindergarten only in the mornings still does not allow me the luxury of more time than I can fill-trust me. But it does offer me a bit of peace. I think these mornings spent alone tripping over the cat and doing mundane things like laundry could be my reward for giving so much for all of those years.

This time alone is nothing to fear.

  

You can keep my things, They’ve come to take me home

You can keep my things / They’ve come to take me home...a famous line from one of my favourite Peter Gabriel songs. 

I'm dealing with many 'things' this week in preparation for a yard sale I have decided to hold with my neighbour. Hosting a yard sale- eesh. Despite my better judgement and general loathing of garage sales and the like, I am busy gathering items to offer for sale to perfect strangers that I will invite into my yard, and allow to filter through my excess crap. 

The Peter Gabriel reference is due to the fact that I slogged through our collection of CD's this morning in preparation for sale.  I carefully examined each case and removed the empty ones, void of their contents due to thieves who helped themselves to the glove box of our car on numerous occasions.  Seeing the empty cases made me sad. Lost is- in my opinion a great selection of music. Very eclectic and the soundtrack of many road trips for Spouse and I as we cruised through our 20's and early 30's -pre-kids.  

We long ago abandoned owning a stereo system and  recently sold enormous Cerwin Vega speakers that my husband was having an affair with for years while we waited for the kids to get older and less destructive before investing in another system to power them.  I'm sure our neighbours will appreciate this sacrifice made by Spouse.  Those speakers have great sound, but create enemies.  We like our neighbours, but I'm certain they don't share our taste in music. 

Even harder to part with was the CD's themselves. I carefully reviewed, examined and weighed the importance of each disk. I was suddenly channeling Rob the main character in High Fidelity by Nick Hornby (which BTW is a great read that I highly suggest) Each disk marks a moment in time, a location where we lived and documents a decade or so of life for Spouse and I. 

How do you choose your favourites? It's like deciding which kid you like more.  Spouse and I are both kind of music nerds, not as hard core as some and for the last 10 years out of the loop when it comes to current trends-but we know what we like and enjoy it.  So I saved what I thought was iconic. Iggy Pop, Bruce Springsteen and Buffalo Tom.  I salvaged all of the "Best of" Albums and the rare Live selections.  Classics like The Jam, Billy Bragg and Wilco, all of the R.E.M. and Pearl Jam. I tried to be ruthless, knowing in my heart that I can likely find all of this music online somewhere. But something made me hang onto about half of the disks we had in our library. As far as decluttering an epic fail, but a small victory as I reluctantly part with some of the less favoured 'middle children'.   

I will place these discarded, carefully sorted disks on a table in a week or so and hope that someone will walk up offer me a dollar or two. Deep down I suspect (and maybe secretly hope) that I will end up bringing most of the box back into the house and carefully place each one back into the library of those saved from the yard sale. 
Alphabetized along with the U2 collection, wedged in between Hole, Ween and my Police collection (which will have to be pried from my cold dead hands).

I've saved the empty cases for reference. I have promised myself I will download all of those old favourites onto my iPod.  Thank you iTunes.  

I'm wiser.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDDNH7GwAWM

  

Lazy R Us

Hi, yeah I know it's been a while.
Well I've been busy, underwear doesn't wash its self you know. No one likes dirty gotch.
OK OK laundry isn't that time consuming.

I've also been keeping an eye on the numerous City crews who stand around that giant sink hole across the street, that at 8 or so months old still has not been repaired. At least now there are barriers and a shit load of lumber surrounding it. It fills an entire half a street so it slows the traffic if anything.
Speaking of City crews, don't get me started on the parade of trucks and workers that stand and stare at the massive scar that remains on my boulevard after a water main break last October. It now finally has some pretty pink paint. The purpose of the paint remains a mystery, but rest assured my eyes will be to the street.
I'm tempted to bury parts of a dismembered baby doll in the soil, just a foot or hand sticking out for the next crew of looky-loos just to see their reaction. Who knows maybe they'll actually fix something in response to zombie death doll.

Still not buying how busy I've been?

How about this, besides hiding from Church people that come to the door (a task that's harder than it sounds) I've been caring for kids. Feeding them, entertaining them, keeping them from killing each other and setting up the occasional slip and slide?

Still no huh. The doll thing took a lot of thought...no?  

Would you believe that I've just been lazy?

WINNER.

Yep. Been lazy. Caught up in the routine of day to day with both kids at home. Don't judge me. I have made an attempt or two to write, but the interruptions are relentless. The phone, the door, my kids, their friends, most days it's just easier to jot down an idea and save it for later then bugger off to the pool.

Don't feel sorry for me? Jeez. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff you know.
I am an Equipment Manager. Psychologist. Relationship Therapist. Wardrobe Stylist. Party Planner. Tutor. Personal Assistant, Chef and a Preschool Teacher.
I think I deserve to be a little lazy now and then. Still not buying it huh?

LAZY. Pure and simple. Savoring daylight hours spent in the sun with my brats. Enjoying watching their skin slowly turn brown and laughing at the electric blue Freezie smiles on their faces. I've learned that scraped knees are easily cured with a kiss and ice cream and it's OK to stay in PJ's all day and watch movies.
I'm relishing this time and know I'm spoiled for getting to spend it with them.
And you'd be SO proud of me. I rarely yell. REALLY. Well OK I've been known to scream a bit. Cut me a bit of slack, July and August spent with two kids can be, um, "challenging".

School is starting in a few weeks. 19 days to be exact. But who's counting.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Fans of Seinfeld will understand the title of this blog. The subject matter will make some angry and some cheer, but it is something that affects my kids and bothers me so I felt I had to write about it.

The word GAY. G.A.Y. gay gay gay gay gay! GAY! does it bother you?
Does it bother you when you're called Gay even when you're not gay? Does it bother you when you hear someone call something gay as if it is a negative thing?

Drives me up the wall.

Gay has lost it's old definition see 2 &3 and as Oxford reads, please note 4.

adjective (gayer, gayest)

• 1(of a person, especially a man) homosexual.
•  relating to or used by homosexuals:a gay bar

• 2 dated light-hearted and carefree:Nan had a gay disposition and a very pretty face

• 3 dated brightly coloured; showy:a gay profusion of purple and pink sweet peas

• 4 informal, often offensive foolish, stupid, or unimpressive:he thinks the obsession with celebrity is totally gay

noun

• a homosexual, especially a man.

I've heard the word Gay thrown around as a negative a lot lately. Not by Spouse and I but by the under 12 crowd. I've heard the term used in a negative way (see 4 above) so much lately that I lost my temper the other day and snapped. Losing myself in a tirade that Rosie O'Donnell would be proud of.

I got tired of the word being used as a negative thing. I reminded the under 12 crowd that people who are Gay are all around us. They are our teachers, coaches and friends. Members of our family are gay- and you may not even know it. That rock star and actor you think is so cool? GAY. G.A.Y. Gay or not all people deserve our respect, so I strongly suggested that the word not be used to describe something negative-or used as a personal insult.

I've heard the word used less and less in my presence after my little rant, I know that it isn't used in my home in a negative way and I hope it isn't in your home either. If Gay is a negative thing in your world, do us all a favour and keep that to yourselves. Keep little Jimmy or Bobby in check and remind them that regardless of what you may think is wrong or right, using that word as an insult is lazy. Our language has so many better words to use to make someone cry. (insults- an ongoing battle, on the mom list of things to address)

I'm pretty confident that most of the under 12 crowd is still unsure of the true meaning behind "being Gay", as parents we try to inform them as best we can-I hope we are doing our Gay friends and coworkers, family and community members a service. And although I can't often control what's happening on the playground  I can control what is happening in my own backyard.  

My next war to wage. Retarded. Wait for my rant on the misuse of that particular word. You may want to seek shelter.
 
Even the Queen herself offered her approval to same sex couples today.
So really, there isn't anything wrong with it. Her Majesty says so.  

Are we there yet?

"Mom how come it takes so long to get to somewhere on a trip and getting home goes so fast?"

This question along with 427 'are we there yet?s'  and 689 'howwwwmuuuchloooonnnnggggerrrrr?s" started off our first week of summer holiday. Spouse and I made it all the way to our destination by car, only once considering leaving one or both children on the side of the TransCanada Highway. The thought of which  gave us great joy and we laughed and laughed and laughed. Of course we'd never ACTUALLY do it. But be damned sure we thought about it.  

Despite my packing snacks, books, markers and colouring books. A fully charged iPod and Nintendo DS WITH an assortment of games, a mom and dad who are both awesome at Eye Spy, crack license plate bingo players and are old hands at counting road kill, the kids were still annoying and restless.

This is what I have to look forward to all summer. Spouse and I just cranked the tunes, held hands and looked down the highway.

The Boy is hell bent on fitting everything he can into this first week off of school. I'm not going to lie- he's driving me nuts. Nagging me with activities he wants to do, things he wants to see and bugs me relentlessly about all of the above. I'm about to hit him over the head with the calendar and count the days of the month, assuring him we will have time to do all the fun stuff he 'HAS TO DO'!
In good time I keep telling him, we have ALL DAY. ALL WEEK. ALL MONTH.

I just want to get caught up with lake laundry and prepare for next week. No small task.
All 3 of us away at the beach. It's like planning a military offensive, and it all has to fit in the trunk of the car.

Maybe it's my own fault, we are always running to an activity or a social event. Perhaps The Boy is on the same treadmill I have been on and needs to slow down, or maybe it's as simple as the trip somewhere taking longer because of the excitement. Maybe he's so overwhelmed by having little to no schedule that's he's going hog wild and in the process driving me to drink. More.

Spouse and I were considering a road trip this summer. After this first short trip in the car with both kids, we have had a change of heart, after all it is supposed to be a rest and holiday for us too isn't it?

We'll see where the wind takes us, we have all month to play and take it slow. I just need to get The Boy on board and have him wind down a bit, if he doesn't die from boredom first.

I still get the giggles thinking about Hurricane Girlchild left standing roadside with a Koolaid Jammer and a Rice Krispie square. Don't judge, the image is stunning. Her tiny silhouette growing smaller as the car continues down the highway. She'd probably end up adopted by a family of bears, teach them show tunes and be entertaining campers and stealing picnic baskets by late July.
I don't think the Ranger's gonna like this Yogi....  

Summer of Love?

Girls have been the theme around our house lately. The Boy and his friends talk about girls, giggle about girls and tease each other relentlessly about girls.
These wee men are only 10, just going into grade 5. Does the opposite sex matter when you are 10?

I'm getting old. I can't remember.

My fear has always been that I will raise a boy who is an ass. I don't want my kid to be the guy that breaks hearts and leaves them crying. On the other hand I don't want him tied down to one too early, never seeing who else is out there. I'm a firm believer in experiencing life and enjoying youth. I'm rushing things, but all this girl talk has me thinking ahead to his teen years, which really aren't that far away. I recall Grade 6 being a year where hand holding started and we used to go for walks with boys and talk and laugh for hours. Nothing ever really happened, it was always friendly and extremely awkward, more often than not your time with that special someone was spent while in the safety of your group of friends. Playing games and chasing around.

Can't it stay like that forever?

 I love early summer, the Lilacs are in bloom and their smell is overwhelming. I first kissed a boy under a lilac tree. That memory will stay with me forever. It's funny how certain smells can be attached to a time or person. This time of year always takes me back. I see young people I know from the neighbourhood out walking together and sitting in the park across the street. Playfully poking at each other, too afraid to go for a hand hold or sneak a kiss, but still getting to touch. Feeling that rush when an arm brushes against another or allowing legs to touch while they sit and share a Slurpee.
Some things never change.

Will my son be that memory for a girl somewhere in our neighbourhood someday? I hope so. It's hard to imagine him being Don Juan as he stumbles around the house, grunting replies and eating us out of house and home while wiping his dirty hands on his clothes.

While I was going through some paperwork the other day I discovered an old diary of mine. This book was a gift from an auntie who inscribed it with the most amazing words.

"Within these pages record all those moments of innocent days that soon will be no more." 

Words lost on a girl of 10 but very poignant 32 years later.

Of course I had to read my diary entries. My childish handwriting dating from 1982 and onward. Recorded are some of my first babysitting gigs described in detail, my excitement for a Christmas concert at school that we had been practicing for weeks. As I continued scanning and reading the dates neatly written on the top of each page the years passed and along with my handwriting my journal entries changed too. Boy's names started to creep into my writing.  My age at this point-13-only three years older than my son.
Holy mother of pearl.
 
Along with wishes for a certain boy to notice me, I was surprised at notes I had kept inside that book. One in particular touched me as it was the first time I had been asked on a date, not done in person mind you but the invite carefully written out by hand on lined paper. That boy's telephone number clearly at the bottom for me to call and RSVP. I wonder if I called that number today if that boy's parents would answer the phone? Did I call him? I can't remember- I hope I did, or maybe I was so overwhelmed by being asked out by an older boy (GAWD) I lost my nerve. I hope I didn't hurt that boy by not reciprocating his affection. Did I have the balls to talk to him, or at least write him a note back? Does that boy-now a 43 year old man look back like I am now and is he curious about 'what if'?

It makes me wonder if my son's female classmates have little diaries that they are dutifully recording within details about birthday parties and weddings they've attended. Too soon their journal entries will likely be similar to mine.
Will my son's name be within those pages? Will kind words surround his name?
 
The Boy listens to brooding 80's music with me. He laughs when I sing along and try to get him to dance with me. Every song carries a memory for this old mum. Taking me back to school dances, days spent at the beach, house parties in family homes while moms and dads kindly sat upstairs not interrupting except to bring snacks. All of the music is new for him as it gets remixed into hip hop songs and covered by the latest Disney child star. Will these same recycled songs be his soundtrack for his teen years?- fittingly so. He has all of these experiences to look forward to.

"Is it bad that I have friends that are girls?" asks the boy
"No son. It's wonderful that you have friends that are girls. Always be their friend. They'll need you to be their friend."

So begins what could be the "Summer of Love" around here. The girls present themselves at the door and politely ask if The Boy is home. I hear their laughter and teasing each other from across the street in the park. Someday when one of those little girls smells a certain bath soap or maybe even Lilacs, The Boy - my boy will come to mind and hopefully she will smile.