Monday, April 22, 2013

Making your own is as easy as 1...2...3...fuck me.

I made the mistake the other day of 'liking' a facebook page. Regret is a polite way of saying how I feel about this unfortunate choice.

I 'liked' this page thinking it couldn't be all bad, the chick who runs it used to be a fucking video jockey on a music network in the 80's for jebus' sake. ROCK N ROLL!
Her tips and tricks and parenting stories will be cool and edgy and wicked awesome. Because she was cool and edgy and wicked awesome.


posts like
'what's your favourite pasta_____________"  fill in the blank. for real? 
'what's your favourite colour?___________" if I saw 'purple!' in the comments section one more time I was going to hang myself.

It took a lot of restraint to not be a sarcastic bitch and respond to these stupid questions with answers like "The Tre Formaggii at Cin Cin on Robson" and "Anti establish Mint"

What is this grade 6 and we're passing 'get to know you ' notes?  I'm expecting the next status update to be
"have you ever kissed a boy?
15 thousand moms getting this daily update twaddle -get your heads examined.

So after two days I am attempting to 'unlike' this facebook page-and cannot. "oops something has gone wrong. try again later" bite me facebook. I want this drivel off of my news feed. STAT.

Now I'm sure Video Jockey cool chick has some administrator running the page for her. Most likely a clueless intern, under 25, grasping for ideas to post to the 'mummy' crowd. Make your own soap- chambray and floral skirts-recipes for shit like Basil & Peach Bocconcini Salad - "a quick side dish" and articles about Tori Spelling and her post baby bikini bod. Is it putting too much pressure on women to get back into shape after childbirth? You know what? it is, and I'm sure her surgical team would agree. AND I DON'T CARE.

Obviously this page is too upscale for me. I would love and enjoy the Basil & Peach Bocconcini Salad. My spawn wouldn't. I'm certain Spouse would raise an eyebrow then ask me what Bocconcini is.

I use the net as a resource. I look for new dinner ideas that my picky kids and Spouse will actually eat. I look for ideas on organisation, research learning disabilities and dealing with tantrums and thumb sucking.

I don't care that every yummy mummy in the GTA "ABSOLUTELY LOVES PURPLE'   don't forget the exclamation marks!!!!!!  

I will continue my attempts to unlike this page. My heart is a little bit broken, I SO wanted to support a Canadian Woman and fellow mom. I am apparently not part of the 'in crowd', and refuse to join the yummy mummy over achiever's club. My Video Jockey has lost her edge. It's a shame- it's like a snapshot from the Stepford wives.  My VJ crush has ended.

Let's get real 'yummy mummies' I'm sticking to the The KISS method.
Keep It Simple Stupid.
I'm going to keep providing healthy, simple meals, seek solid, common sense child rearing and relationship advise from my own team of 'experts' -my friends and family that have raised kids and not gone to school for a hundred years and lived a life. I'm going to continue to be my mom self, cool and edgy and wicked awesome.


Purple is SO last year dumbasses. ORANGE is in.

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