Sunday, January 5, 2014

Welcome to a New Year...

Well, well.  Welcome to 2014. A new year is here already. Cliche to say how fast the past 12 months have flown by, but they really have.

It is also cliche to say as the new year came in I have been reflecting on the past 12 months, but as most of  us do- I have taken a look back.
It was around this time last year that I made my decision to take a break from work. It seems like a lifetime ago.
A lazy summer spent with the kids, focusing on the house, cooking more, sleeping better, trying my hand at writing... these are all things I accomplished this past year.  Doesn't seem like much, but to a burnt out mum who was not taking care of herself, huge gains.

So as my year at home comes to a close, the reality of my situation is very evident and is one that I knew all along. I am going to have to go back to work.
Unless I win the lottery, or Sting comes to his senses and realises that I was the woman for him all along.

So instead of resolving to DO a whole bunch of things that I know I'll probably never do, I'm resolving NOT TO DO a bunch of things this year. Not doing stuff seems a whole lot more achievable.

I am NOT going back to a job just because I have to, just for the paycheque. I have come to realise that my entire career has been spent working to make other people successful- and I worked hard.
I have nothing to show for it except years of sleepness nights, upset stomachs and occasional pats on the back for a job well done. I'm proud that my resume is accomplished and my list of achievements is long, but I've worked in the pink ghetto for years, making little and giving much. Office buildings in every city are full of women just like me and in the immortal words of Donna Summer working hard for the money, all of them sacrificing family and time.  In my case these were jobs taken to contribute to my household, a necessary evil. But I'm done. Time for work that rewards ME and maybe even helps other people at the same time.

As I read this over I sound very bitter, and maybe I am a little. More so angry at myself for not seeing it sooner. Disappointed in myself for not seeing the light earlier, dragging myself in everyday for a paycheque and a little piece of mind. Responsibilities ruled.
I have never once heard a male friend ask for advise on how to balance a career and home life.

I am NOT going to procrastinate. I am an admitted procrastinator, but I wasn't always this way. This is a bad habit I have allowed and it needs to stop. I procrastinate about all kinds of things, don't get me wrong shit gets done, but I am seeing it becoming habitual and it ends now. Eat my dust.

I am NOT going to apologise for how much coffee I drink or booze I consume. These are my small pleasures. Coffee with the girls and drinks with the neighbourhood gang bring me joy and lots of laughter. Pry my super-sized Tim's mug from my cold dead hand, and while you're at it pour me a rum & coke, twist of lime if you please.

I will NOT feel guilty for the size and shape of my body. I know I need to exercise more. I know I need to eat better. I will NOT be conned into sucking shakes and  feeling like I need to be a size 8. It will come in time-all part of the NOT procrastinating bit.

I just read this list over and it appears in fact that I have resolved to make a few changes. Damn it.

I hope these ones will stick.

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